My blog has transformed over the years. I know there are some who have been reading for a long long long long time but there are also those who know nothing about me. So. I wanted to talk about ten cool things that you may or may not have known about this sassy and classy chick they call Esté.
10. I have anxiety.
This is something that I’ve “struggled” with for years. I have lots of coping mechanisms and don’t really like talking about mental health but I’ve come to a place where I know that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I process things differently and simply have a more emotional response to certain situations than other people might.
9. I spent 22 years of my life being afraid of dogs.
I hated dogs. I had a real life phobia and would shake and cry whenever I was around dogs. It wasn’t until right before I got to medical school that I “got over it.” I still am wary of dogs but I am now considering getting my own puppy which is amazing for where I’ve come from.
8. I’d rather live in a small apartment and travel yearly than have all the houses and land.
I absolutely love to travel and honestly rank it really high in importance. I know that my lifestyle will probably allow me to have a nice house AND travel but I just wanted you lot to know where my heart really was.
7. I am an otaku.
6. I’m anemic.
There isn’t much to say here. I’m anemic and NEED to take better care of myself. I need to take my iron and make sure that my diet is leading towards a healthier me. Med school sometimes makes that difficult.
5. I can’t stay mad for more than 15 minutes.
I am a sweet soul. Honestly. I am not beyond getting upset but when I do, I can calm down rather quickly. I credit that growth (because I wasn’t always like this) to reading Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.
4. I didn’t get into medical school on the first try.
I applied to medical school in 2014 hoping to get accepted and attend right on out of college. I had many road bumps in the way and didn’t get in. I remember during graduation weekend, I cried and apologized to my parents for “letting them down.” They looked at me and smiled with as much love as I have ever felt and said that I had nothing to apologize for. Getting into school is hard and it wasn’t my time. I remember during my “year off” I kept thinking, while I worked and studied to retake the MCAT, that I was very glad that I didn’t go straight into school. I was at a point of burn out and wouldn’t have done as well as I did starting a year later. Small blessings are everywhere. Remember that.
3. I played the flute.
I’m basicallyy a musical genius. No, not really. I played piano for many years. Hated it. I played the flute for not as many years. Didn’t hate it as much. And I’ve been singing my entire life. I can (haven’t tried in a while so I could be talking straight foolishness) sight-read to sing and play the piano. The thing about music is…I’ve never loved it enough. I was always the writer in our family and although I love music, I never really cared to be the one creating it. The best part about “quitting” music and focusing on other things is that I don’t even miss performing when I hear others playing. I’m grateful for the opportunities that music afforded me but it just wasn’t for me.
2. I cry. A lot.
I am a feeler and feel lots of emotions. I cry for other people, myself, current events, movies, if I’m tired… I’m emotional and don’t even try to hide it. I don’t spend every waking moment crying (in fact, I cry weird in that I only cry for about 22.1 seconds and then sober up and find something better to do like watch YouTube videos or study) but I am very deeply touched by lots of things and am not afraid to admit it.
1. More than anything else in the world, I want to be a mommy.
More than being a doctor or a writer or a bomb.com blogger…I want to be a mommy. I remember vividly at eight years old thinking that I would pray for my future husband and then thinking that I couldn’t wait to pour my love into another human being. I’m 16 years older and not exactly ready to be a mom but I honestly think that that is the greatest title that I’ll ever hold.
Thanks for reading lovelies. It was kind of fun sharing some secrets. You should give it a try. It’s kind of therapeutic. Ok back to paying attention in class. XX! See you real soon.